Settling my Mind

Just a bit of a disclaimer. This is my first post in a while and it may be a little heavy (emotion-wise).

A little over a week ago, I decided to deactivate my Facebook account. There has been too much going on, innocent lives being taken, and the purpose of a movement misconstrued. I just could not bare it any longer and decided it was time to clear my head. I am not going to go into detail right now. Not ready and there are other things on my mind. Trying my very best to stay in a positive place, which is difficult.

I had no idea I had so many of my other accounts connected to my Facebook. At the time, it was easier not to create so many more logins. Anyway, I decided to log back in Monday night since I had it set to automatically re-activate after 7 days. Did not download the app to my phone. I figured the less I am on it, the better. Tuesday rolled around and everything seemed okay. My mind had settled from the social media overdose I felt like I had and then my mom called me. She told me that an old friend of mine had passed away. She said something about calling my sister. I started to add the call, heard the phone ring, and just hung up … and the tears fell. So quick. I was speechless and shaking and did not want to believe it. I remember say “no” over and over. I went to her Facebook page, and there are condolences and photos and messages from her family and friends. It was real… it is real. She was only a year older than me.


We started training together at the last place I worked (BCBSAL). She was one of the first people I told at work that I was pregnant. I was so scared to be starting a new job and had no idea what I was in for. She would listen and talk to me and laugh with me. Oh goodness, we had a good time at work. Now, she was about her business, so when it was time to work, it was time to work. Breakfast, lunch and our breaks were our times to share a meal and a conversation. She was smart and confident and one of the few people I can truly say was a friend to me. I won’t ever forget her coming to see me at the hospital after my C-section. She told me she was coming to see me and baby Aida and I kept trying to tell her to head on home (it was at least an hour drive for her…and we used to get off work right around 5:00pm). Of course, she came anyway. Any silly new mom questions I had, she would laugh and answer but never passed any judgement. She always talked about her husband and her son, her sister, their family. I always quietly wished I would be able to love the way she did. I could just tell in how she talked about them how much they meant to her.

A couple of years ago I saw something she had posted on Facebook about starting a blog. I answered not thinking anything about it. No questions. I believe in not prying and allowing others to share things when they are ready. She told me she had breast cancer and was wanting to write about her journey. I told her of a few things she could do to get started and let me know whatever I could do to help. After that conversation that day, I started praying for her, her husband, her sons, her family and all those who loved her. I thought about when my mom was diagnosed in 1996. I was not afraid. I prayed and prayed. I was sad… very sad… and at that thought, I felt so sad for my friend, her sons. She was always strong-willed and determined, so I know she handled this no different. It did leave me shocked. It was Tuesday… and I have been to her page everyday since then… multiple times. I had sent her a message some weeks ago telling her some of the things I have included in this post. I was not sure when we would be able to get back to Alabama, but I wanted to find a way to go see her when we did. She was so young… loved…. and a genuinely good person, and I am sad and angry that her time here was shortened. Most unfortunate… I cannot write her story… decide the how and when….. I pray that she is at peace.





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